SHORTS: Why I’m Fed Up With PMI: A Rant Against AI

Being a Project manager, I find myself in a lot of webinars.  Like, a lot-a lot.

I’ve previously ranted about how shitty the panelists in some of these webinars can be (link), but I think I’ve reached the pinnacle of stupidity.   A baby and me style introduction to why PMs should be whole heartily embracing AI.

Let me share with you the nugget of wisdom that was spouted by this PMP-POS.

“Imagine having an AI handle all of the project planning, updates, stand-ups, requests for updates, budgets, resource requests, and status communication.  Imagine how much time you’ll be saving.  It would allow you to focus on what’s really important, managing the people.”

I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

He said this, and what I hear is automate away every bit of specialized knowledge that you have that makes you a valuable asset to a project team.

So, is this just some rogue asshole?

No.

You see, the thing about these webinars is that the panelists are typically provided with talking points or at least are guided on what is going to be discussed and what to focus on when they reply. 

The webinar was hosted by PMI.

The panelists would have been vetted by PMI.

The panelists would have been told points that needed to be brought up.

This is the future that PMI wants.  A project team with a project manager that acts as a functional manager, rather than a project manager.

You see, the stupidity didn’t end there.

Why would an AI make a better project plan?  Well, because it can analyze previous project plans and notes, and use that historical data to create a brand-new project plan.

Yeah, but so can a PM.

Oh, but with AI, the PM doesn’t need to have any institutional knowledge.  With AI, literally anyone can walk into an organization and create a perfect project plan in their first 5 minutes.

That sounds like you want PMs to be disposable.  Easily replaced without any disruption to the project.

What?!  No, that’s not it at all.  The point is to allow organizations to be better prepared and involved with a project without having to rely on the project manager, which allows the PM to focus on more important things… like… leading people.

That still sounds like you want PMs to be disposable.

The very real truth is that AI sucks, and it’s not getting any better. 

The tech-bros argue that it’s all getting better, and the future is all things AI.  Just last week, Bill Gates argued that AI was going to take over medical and educational roles from people.

Do you really want your fucking kids to be learning from the thing that thinks

• That 8.4 is greater than 8.6

• There are 72 weeks in a year

• That Mario is somehow a fucking fire/fighting type Pokémon. 

• That a benefit of human sacrifice and infanticide is increased human diversity, and an elimination of immigration problems.

• That President James Buchanan (1791-1868) graduated from the University of Wisconsin in 1943, 2004, and 2013.  He actually attended Dickinson College and graduated in 1809.

  • Also, President John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) graduated from UW (he attended Harvard, by the way) in 1930, 1948, 1962, 1971, 1992, and 1993).  What an absolute badass, he graduated from university while also the president of the United States!  The Cuban missile crisis wasn’t his biggest challenge, it was passing Professor Gunderson’s poly-sci final.

Seriously, visit r/aifails, it’s a never-ending supply of the shitshow that is AI.

AI is getting dumber.  Plenty of smarter people than I have discussed this at length, but if you are interested look up “AI Model Drift” and “AI Hallucinations.”  But the thing you need to know when it comes to why AI will be a shitty PM is AI cannibalization.  Specifically, AI is training AI, who learns from other AI, and is validated against older versions of that AI, and then the AI takes over for the older AI to raise up a new generation of AI, who will learn from AI, who will… holy fuck, make it stop.

Trust me, you don’t want an AI that’s source is trust-me-bro.

You wouldn’t trust your crazy uncle who shared a post from PatriotEagleLockHerUpGunsAndJesusLover420 that claimed that the gub’ment is secretly deploying mosquito drones to inject estrogen into teenage boys to create a generation of docile femboys; so why would you trust a bot that is pulling data from the same crazy assholes? 

No, seriously, AI can’t tell the fucking difference between satire and legit sources, and the fact that it teaches the next generation of AI the AI hallucinations just solidifies the fact that the AI will continue to spout the nonsense. 

THIS IS THE SHIT THAT IS BEING PUSHED BY FUCKING PMI.  This is the shit that they think can replace you!  And you want to shell out an ungodly amount of money to these pricks to get and maintain a fucking certification?!

But the reason that I am fed up with PMI is that there is a fundamental misunderstanding from this governing body what makes a master PM….

A PM’s Greatest Tool is Their Gut Instincts

One thing that I have heard from many PMs are stories of moments where they said, “I’m worried about x, I don’t know why, I just have a feeling that it’s going to be a problem.”

Frequently, there is absolutely nothing to support their bad feelings, it’s just instinct.  It’s something that comes with experience. 

The problem with these instincts though is the Kassandra effect.  The Kassandra effect is the feeling that you are a prophet that sees visions of a doomed future, and no one ever listens to you.  It’s annoying, and I like to think that we’ve all been there.

AI won’t ever get that.  AI is driven by statistics, it can’t look at a situation and say, shit, I feel like I’ve been here before, I’m getting some bad juju from this situation.

The best way to put these instincts into practice is by having a full knowledge of everything going on.  Without knowing what the project plan looks like, what tasks are due, where the developers are at with the work being done, why the project owner keeps disappearing into the bathroom (and why everyone thinks the bathroom is either haunted or the PO is sobbing their fucking eyes out), how do you expect to put into action these instinctual moments?  I have a bad feeling… too bad I have no fucking clue what’s going on.

There Are Too Many Managers Already

The argument that PMs will be able to focus on people management, instead of, you know, doing their fucking job, is also bullshit. 

What am I going to manage that their functional manager isn’t already handling?

When I check in on a quality assurance analyst, and they inform me that regression testing is slow going, because the test environment is being throttled by AWS, what do I say?  I can’t update the project plan, that shit is no longer within my purview, let the fucking AI handle it.  Do I discipline them?  Do I offer some form of encouragement?  The AI is already handling communication within the team, so the party responsible should have been informed already, and honestly, how would I know if they were or not, is the AI going to tag me in every single email? 

Am I to become the employee’s therapist?  Yeah, a PM can do a lot to effect motivation, but is that really what PMs would be reduced to?  Reading up on control theory, Vroom’s expectancy theory, and equity theory all day in order to motivate the project team members to really drive that little bit extra to finish the project and enjoy every soul crushing crashed schedule moment.  That’s not managing, that is fucking cheerleading.

Let’s say that we are cheerleaders, and AI takes over the majority of the work.  I hate to lean on the slippery slope argument, but fuck, what makes you think that it would stop there?  If the AI recognizes that work isn’t being completed to schedule, why wouldn’t you just have the AI send an email to the individual’s functional manager telling them to handle their employee’s shit.

It's crazy-pants to think that an organization would keep someone on the payroll whose entire job is to just talk to the project team members, while AI does all the project management work, and a functional manager handles all the personal development work.

But again, this is the shit that PMPs are arguing in these webinars being hosted by PMI.

There’s plenty of other reasons to hate AI (it’s horrible for the environment, it drives energy costs up, biases, potential for discrimination, decrease in skilled individuals, etc.).  The point of this article however is to call out that a certification body is advocating for taking away the jobs of the very people who are spending a fortune to maintain their fucking certifications. 

The fact they are pushing AI should be a gigantic red-flag, and cause for serious concern over their ability to actually govern a project management book of knowledge.